Welcome to Douche Bagging 101. Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a How-To post, it’s a precautionary tale. If you master the fine art of Ass Holery it’s a short step to obtaining the title of Douche Bag. The path is paved with inflated self importance and entitlement. There are many but here’s the Top 5 Types of Douche Bags:
5: Look At Me – These self-absorbed douche baggers use cell phones to wield their power. Trampling over anything and anyone in order to obtain the all-important selfie or waving it high above their head obstructing views to record a moment instead of experiencing it.
4: I Can Top That – These dolts would benefit from putting their foot in their mouths instead of letting their words out. They are masters of one-upmanship. You’ve lost a loved one to cancer, that’s nothing compared to that time they had to trade in their lease car after 2 years. Man, they loved that car.
3: I Wear Sunglasses To Work Out At The Gym. – Enough said.
2: The Rules Don’t Apply To Me – These vehicle owners drive around thinking their time is more valuable than everyone else. When a highway lane to an exit ramp is congested, instead of waiting in line, they speed down the adjacent lane to cut in further down the line so everyone has to slam on their brakes.
1: I Take Pics With The Animals I Kill – These murderers use weapons and cameras to solidify their ranking in life. Not as the greatest hunter or fisherman in the world but as the biggest douche bag. Just because you can kill an animal, doesn’t mean you should.
Sure I can be an Ass Hole, hell I’ve done a previous post about it, and I’m a big enough Ass Hole to plug that post again HERE! However I’d like to think that I’ve never been a full-blown Douche Bag and I hope that this post will help others as well. Life would be less shitty if there were less Douche Bags in it.