You know that saying “women are from Venus and men are from Mars”, it’s true, straight couples have it hard. I’ve been a witness to quite a few spats that I’ve been uncomfortably drawn into. I don’t get it but straight people love to air their dirty laundry to an audience. I guess it has to do with the battle of the sexes which makes me glad to be gay. So I thought I would take this moment to play the worlds smallest violin for my straight brothers and sisters in the trenches while sharing my Top 5 Perks To Being In A Gay Relationship:
5: Cinnamon? Tootsie? What Role Are You? – Society really likes to pigeonhole couples and make them fit into a cookie cutter mold. Men earn the bread and women bake it. It’s not the 1950’s but equality is something society has a problem accepting. Gays get asked questions (“Who does the cooking?” “Who pays the bills?” “Who’s the top and the bottom?”) in order to be categorized but luckily we don’t have those sexist roles.
4: Why Be In The Closet, When You Can Share One – Sometimes doing laundry needs to take a back seat when life gets busy, especially when you have to go see the new Magic Mike movie or Debbie Gibson is performing a few towns over. So instead of doing the sniff test to see if you can get one more day out of that t-shirt, it’s a lot easier to just raid your partner’s closet. Ladies it may work for you but it’s not so easy for your man. But hey, who am I to judge, I bet he’d look super cute in your Juicy Couture leggings.
3: Hey! If It Was Good Enough For Yogi & Boo Boo – Men love to have their own space and their man-caves, however, they’re usually exiled to the garage or the basement. When you’re gay, you’re whole house is a man cave. When I wanted a pool table and dart board in the dining room, was there a fight? Nope! When my man wanted to tech out the TV and lights in the house, did he get an argument? Nope…maybe some complaining, depending on how many controllers I had to learn, but no argument. Definitely no man-cave in our garage, we need somewhere to park in the winter so we don’t have to clean snow off our cars.
2: Oopsie – No pregnancy ever! Not on purpose, not by accident! No way, no how! Any kids that gays have are wanted and prepared for but that’s only if snot-nosed tax deductions are, like The Spice Girls say, “what you want, what you really, really want.”
1: You Are What You Eat – Straight or gay, this happens to us all, you’re minding your business when out of nowhere a fine looking piece of eye candy captures your attention and you begin to crane your neck for a better look when all of a sudden your significant other’s glaring face obstructs your view. In a gay relationship you can just say “Did you see that?” and nine times out of ten, yeah he saw it too. Gays can even give each other a heads up, “Good shirtless coming up at 1:00,” so you both can appreciate the scenery.
Breeders, this is in no way my attempt at rubbing your nose in your relationship angst. It’s also not my attempt at converting anyone, being gay isn’t a choice like society would like everyone to believe. It’s just my way of taking a moment to appreciate what I have and to give the gay agenda some positive PR.