Top 5 Reasons I Should Never Be A Juror

The end of last year I got the dreaded letter, the one I’ve been avoiding and hoping to never see again, the Jury Administration calling me for jury duty. I understand being a juror is part of my civic duty and I have to go but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. In my gay opinion, I’d rather go to work than to jury duty and that’s saying a lot. Here are the Top 5 Reasons I Should Never Be A Juror:

#5: The Truth And Nothing But The Truth – Personally I think instead of forcing people to go to jury duty, it should be a position that you register for, like voting. The pool of people would want to be there instead of being there under duress. Or what about people who are on welfare, unemployment or disability? Let them earn their check by attending jury duty once a month. I’ve been on unemployment before and trust me, having to do jury duty once a month would’ve been incentive for me to look for another job more quickly.

#4: I Swear – I’m disgruntled by the whole judicial system as a whole. Everything legal is in a terminology that I can’t understand and I’m sure that’s the case for the majority of the people in litigation. Why should the language be only understood by lawyers and judges? If the judicial system is in place to allow people to be judged by their peers then shouldn’t the proceedings be in a language everyone can understand.

#3: Selective Hearing – Here’s a little tip when it comes to talking to me: if you get too detailed or technical I’m going to tune you out. Should I sit on a jury where the details are going to bore me and I’m going to take a mental trip to my happy place? Sure it’ll look like I’m hanging on every word the lawyers are saying but really I’ll be imagining them in their underwear. Who am I trying to fool? Nobody wears underwear in my happy place.

#2: It’s The People’s Court – I don’t read books, watch television shows or go to movies based on criminal crap. Well that’s not entirely true, I did like Drop Dead Diva and still enjoy Judge Judy. So unless my local court house has, a spunky plus-size lawyer who’s soul has been replaced by a pretty model who was killed in a car crash or a sassy judge who likes to put stupid plaintiffs in their place, I’m not interested.

#1: Pros And Ex-Cons List – Decisions aren’t my specialty. I eat the same meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day just so I don’t have choose what to eat. I can’t select what clothes to buy so I have one dresser of clothes that I rotate through until they get holes in them. Am I really the type of person who should be making decisions that will forever effect someone’s life?

Thankfully this week, on the day before I was scheduled to appear, I called the cancellation line and I was released from duty for another year. However, if I’d of gone, the upside would been a four year reprieve instead of one but I’ll take what I can get.

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