Top 5 Ways That I’m An A-Hole

Sometimes I find myself in a situation where I think to myself, “Self, you really are being an A-Hole!” When it comes to being an A-Hole, nobody is immune, but it helps to recognize those moments. Therefore, in my gay opinion, these are the Top 5 Ways That I’m An A-Hole.

5: Don’t Make Me Choose – Making decisions isn’t my job. It’s not my job at work, it’s not my job at home, and it’s not my job in my personal life. I’m much happier just going with the flow. If you force me to make a decision then my inner A-Hole will come out. So it’s to your advantage to make the decisions that make me happy and we’ll both have a more pleasant experience.

4: For Real? – It’s hard for me to take anything seriously and my sense of humor hasn’t evolved since I was 8. There’s so much bad stuff going on in the world that I need to keep things light. If there’s an inappropriate time for humor, I’ll find it. Just please don’t make eye contact with me or I’ll lose it and burst out laughing.

3: Let’s Talk About What’s Important…ME – I believe the world revolves around me. My first thought with any situation is always what will make me happy and how can I get it. I’m not a total A-Hole, I will make concessions along the way for others, but if I sacrifice something I secretly do it in hopes of racking up some karma points that will benefit me down the road.

2: I’m Always Right – My stubbornness may be because I’m a Taurus or simply that I’m an A-Hole. I don’t pretend to be a know it all, there’s plenty of stuff that I have no clue about….politics, geography, vaginas, etc.. But anything that I believe to be true, is a fact in my book. You can try to prove otherwise, and I’ll pretend to listen and take your advice, but deep down I know I’m still right.

1: All About The Substitutions – I can’t go to a restaurant and order anything the way it is off the menu, I always need to make a few tweaks here and there. It may be no tomato, no mushroom, no cheese, no meat, no zucchini, no squash…I can go on and on. I’ll often go into a Duncan Donuts (I’m not a total A-Hole that only drink Starbucks) and order an iced coffee with no ice…yeah, I said no ice…also no cream just almond milk.

This is in no way me apologizing for being an A-Hole. I think we all have our moments. But I’ve come to accept these A-Hole quirks as part of my charm. Now everybody else just needs to do the same.

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