Top 5 Torturous Tunes

One of my pet peeves is hanging out with couples who bicker and argue in front of me. Why air your dirty laundry in public? I don’t want to hear it, save it for behind closed doors. If you can’t contain your anger, then have the decency to be passive aggressive about it. All people in relationships do little things to get on each other’s nerves, either consciously or subconsciously. One thing I have been accused of doing to get on my partner’s nerves is taking his hand me down iPod (which he loaded with my library of diva divinity since that’s beyond my technological scope) and subjecting him to long car rides with it on shuffle. In my gay opinion, these are the Top 5 Torturous Tunes that make him cringe the most and me secretly smile:


5: “Baby Love” by La Toya Jackson – This is a cover of The Supremes classic. Upon first listen, my partner thought this was Diana Ross and I said that La Toya would take that as a compliment but then he had to burst that bubble with, “I never said it was good.”



4: “Gimme Some Lovin'” by Olivia Newton-John – When my partner hears this cover of the Spencer Davis Group hit he’s unable to articulate his distaste in words and the only sound he can make is a low guttural moan.



3: “Put Some Weight On It” by Rupaul – The problem is that my partner isn’t as romantic as I am so he doesn’t appreciate the sweet nuances of such lyrics as “Shake them dice, steal that rice. Drop that pussy, sure look nice” and “Suck my dick you lazy bitch, like a scratch you need to itch.”



2: “Cookie Jar” by Charo – I guess my partner isn’t as enamored of Charo’s cookie jar as the others who are looking to steal it’s sweetness. It doesn’t phase Charo, she’s just excited to wake up and know its not too far away. By the way, three is the answer to the number of times my partner has been dragged to see Charo before finally saying “never again.” Never can say never though.


1: “You Better Sit Down Kids” by Cher. Who says that divorce is a horrible topic for a pop song? Certainly not Cher. I prefer my Cher post Sonny and my fandom started in the 80’s but recently I went back to collect some of her classic music. My partner believes I purchased her earlier music as a form of punishment to him, however, that can’t be proven.


Before you think that I’m a horrible person who finds subtle ways to torture my partner (oops, probably too late for that), I do throw him a bone once in a while. I’ve given him veto power over one album in my collection. That’s Madonna’s soundtrack for the movie Evita. When Madonna or Antonio Banderas breaks out into one of the Andrew Llyod Webber and Tim Rice’s musical numbers, I thoughtfully hit the skip button. There’s no crying for Argentina in my car, only the sobbing of my partner in the passenger seat next to me. 

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