Valentine’s Day

For all of those who watched my January video and have been waiting all month for the next installment, wait no longer, welcome to my February.



For most people, February is all about Valentine’s Day. In my gay opinion, Valentine’s Day is a bull shit holiday made-up by Hallmark to sell more cards. For single people, it’s a day to feel alone for not having someone, and for couples it’s a day to prove to the one you love just how much you love them based on how much money you spend. If you need an assigned day to tell the person you love how much they mean to you, then you’re doing the rest of the year wrong.

Thankfully I married someone who’s on the same page as me. What did we buy each other for Valentine’s Day? Something big, hard and wet…a tankless hot water heater. For one week this cold February, our hot water heater would sporadically break down, forcing us to spend an hour or more coaxing it to work. My partner’s research uncovered that the tank we inherited from the previous home owners was made by a company no longer in business, no one was servicing it, parts were no longer being made…and oh yeah, it was recalled for being a fire hazard. I didn’t need any more convincing to get a new one, especially when I wasn’t even half way through a shower one 12 degree evening and the water went ice cold; my dick shriveled smaller than my black heart.

In that moment of clarity I learned that having hot water is better than any amount of roses, boxes of candies, or candle lit dinners. I also learned, don’t fuck with Saint Valentine because he’s a spiteful bitch.

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