Top 5 Bucket List Items

I’ve never thought of myself as a bucket list sort of gay. However, lately, I’ve been looking back on some accomplished goals and realized that I’ve secretly had a bucket list all along. However, my bucket list has always been filled with somewhat obtainable goals. I never want to set the bar too high. Why doom myself for failure, die before completing the list and end up haunted by all those regrets? I gave my current goals some thought and here is My Top 5 Bucket List:

5: Do A Drive By Of The Pyramids – I’m not much of a traveler and I can’t even find most places on a map, Egypt included, but I would like to visit the Pyramids. By visit I mean get off a plane, jump in a cab, drive by the Pyramids, get out for a few photos, check out the hot Egyptian guys in their nightgowns and sandals, and get back on the plane to some other place I never knew existed.

4: Go To A Strip Club – But not just any strip club, no classy “gentleman’s club” for me, I want to go to a seedy dive. I want my feet to stick to the floor as Sparkle gyrates to “Cherry Pie” by Warrant and I calculate how many doses of penicillin it’s going to take to get rid of the crabs I’m getting from the stool I’m sitting on.

3: Make A Straight Guy Friend – Obviously I’m going to need one to be my wing man at the strip club. He’s going to have to be buff (hot wouldn’t hurt) in order to protect me from getting my ass kicked as I sit there with my pink lemonade (no ice, thanks), singing along to the music, and complimenting the dancers on their creative use of the pole and sequined thong and pasties ensembles.

2: Get A Photo With Bridget Everett – I’m a huge fan, she’s amazing and incredibly talented. I’ve had the opportunity twice to try and ask for a photo but blew it both times. Once was before a show she was part of in New York and I was waiting for the theater doors to open. Bridget walked in to go backstage and I was so awe struck that I was only able to mutter a simple “hi”. Then after a Millie Jackson concert I was hanging around stalking Millie and Bridget walked out of the venue but went the other way. Another missed opportunity.

1: Go To A Midnight Showing Of The Rocky Horror Picture Show – This year is the 40th anniversary of the release of the movie and I have yet to see it. Sure I could get it on DVD just to say I’ve seen it but I want the full experience. I want to go to a theater where the hardcore freaks are dressed up acting out the movie and totally immerse myself in that world.

What I’ve learned from this post is it’s good to have goals. Sure I could want to become an astronaut or a doctor but where’s the fun in that? Plus it would be kind of hard with my fear of heights and blood makes me woozy. I’d rather fly somewhere unknown, get rained on with stripper sweat (at least I hope that was sweat), be rescued by a himbo, beg a diva for a selfie, or get pelted with rice by a tranny. In my gay opinion, that’s living!

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