If you’re like me and out of the loop on practically everything, you may not have heard of ASMR. I had heard of it in passing but never looked into it. Once I did, my mind was blown. What is ASMR? According to the internet, it is Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response which are fancy words for videos that are supposed to make your “spine tingle” but not in a Friday The 13th sort of way.
My first introduction to ASMR was on Twitch. Twitch is best known for being a website where you can watch people play video games. Something else I don’t understand, why watch when you can play yourself. Once I noticed Twitch has an ASMR section, an internet rabbit hole opened up and sucked me in…literally.
Just a short taste (see what I did there?) of what ASMR videos YouTube has to offer
Who knew there was a place for pretty, big busted girls, in tight tops and cat ears to lick artificial ears attached to mics, while replying in hushed tones to scrolling chatroom comments by straight guys trying to drown out the rattling hot water heater in their mom’s basement. I was intrigued by the stamina these girls can exhibit licking plastic for hours while following the audience chat about such things as what’s for lunch and why the girl’s eyes are puffy…hello, her eyes are up here…oh wait.
In my gay opinion, this ear-licking version of ASMR sounds just like my cats when they unceremoniously spread their legs on the ottoman when I’m trying to watch TV in order to enthusiastically lick away at their privates. In my household, I don’t call this ASMR, I call it the “Juicy Kitty.”
Chelsea purrfecting her Juicy Kitty stance!
Ladies, I give you props for putting The Girls to work and making yourself a buck, I’m jealous. I’m not 100% sold on reincarnation but I recycle just in case, if my eco-friendliness pays off and I die and come back, I hope that the big drag queen in the sky bestows me with a rack to attack and a foot long tongue so I can get my ASMR on.
Until then, if there’s anyone who’s fetish is to have some old gay dude whisper sweet nothings about the latest treasure on Antique’s Roadshow or likes to get their rocks off listening to my upcoming colonoscopy procedure instructions, leave comments below.