In 2009 my partner and I got a great deal for a Mediterranean cruise. Neither of us had cruised before (at least not on the high seas) but who doesn’t love a bargain. After checking in and getting to our coffin (I mean cabin) we realized why it was so cheap. The door opened halfway before hitting the closet door. We had to enter single-file down n aisle between the closet and the bathroom and then between the two single beds. Not the most romantic, but we were never more than four feet from each other.
I found it impossible to sleep the entire trip. I don’t know if it was the motion of the ocean, the lack of a window to know if it was day or night, or the room’s sensory deprivation chamber feel. I’m the least prepared traveler, so the only reading material I brought were a couple magazines that didn’t even last through the flight. Thankfully the ship had a library on board and that was where I first discovered Chelsea Handler…no, not passed out in a drunken stupor in the stacks.
I couldn’t pass up “Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea” with a title like that. It got me through many sleepless nights on the ship. I might not have been sleeping but I was laughing out loud (causing my partner not to sleep) with Chelsea’s wild tales. Over the years, a handful of books have made me laugh, but none as hard as that one. I read her other four books but hadn’t gotten around to her 2019 book “Life Will Be The Death Of Me…And You Too!” until I bought an autographed copy on sale online this year.
This individualized self-help book is her questioning her rich, white-privileged life, on a journey of self-discovery through therapy and many recreational drugs. From having $250,000 saved for funeral costs (my house didn’t cost that much) to adopting two dogs based only on their names and physical characteristics who turn out to not be a good fit, but returning them would tarnish her reputation, so she sends them away for months of obedience training. This book journals lost loved ones and the psychological processes she went through to find enlightenment. In my gay opinion, the moral of this book is it’s ok to parade your rich, white-privilege as long as you pretend to be aware of it.
“Life Will Be The Death Of Me…And You Too!” left me rolling my eyes at her egotism while mourning the days gone by of hysterically laughing at her musings, unfortunately, now her stories just put me to sleep.