Here’s some things you need to know in order to understand me and this post. #1: Growing up I was a fat kid. To hide that fact I would wear large or extra large shirts to hide my girth and blend in. However, looking back, the shirts were florescent and I’d squeeze my big ass into skin tight pleather pants…so there was no hiding going on. I may not have been the brightest bulb on the tree when it came to smarts but in that neon yellow shirt I certainly was fashion wise. #2: I still wear clothes I wore in the 90s. I wear my clothes until they fall or rip off if I take too deep of a breath. Wardrobe rotation isn’t a top priority. #3: I lost the weight and now go to yoga classes and the gym a few times a week. Now on with the post…
I recently ordered a special edition copy of Paula Cole’s new album “7” and it came with a t-shirt. I decided to give size medium a shot for the first time since I was like 10. What did I have to lose? Worst case, I’d have to cover myself in baby oil to get it on and then have to use the Jars-Of-Life to get me out of it. However, I got it on and checked myself out in the mirror to find that it was a little snug in the chest area. Was the shirt enhancing all the working out I’ve been doing or do I now have cleavage? I’m worried what exactly are these gorgeous globes of glory? In my gay opinion, here are Ways To Tell If You Have Pecs Or Man Boobs.
Shake What Your Mama Gave You – If you can flex your chest muscles making your nipples dance, you have pecs. But if they bounce when you walk as if you’re on a trampoline, those are man boobs.
Let Your Breasts Be Your Guide – When you’re laying in bed, pecs will face the ceiling. Man boobs will ooze towards the windows, the door, or down to those Little Debbie wrappers discarded about your comforter.
The Cup Runneth Over – Who doesn’t like a good groping? When you’re getting felt up and your darling can’t get a good grasp of your chest, you have pecs. But when you get to second base (this will probably be the only time ever that I use football terminology in my blog), if it looks like your partner has a handful of pizza dough oozing between their fingers, those are man boobs.
As you can see my research has been extensive and scientific. Take with you this knowledge and spread the words of wisdom shared here. Pecs? Man boobs? Or, as in my case, something in between? Celebrate and embrace whatever you have been endowed with. They are the greatest gifts of all, no matter how little or how much material it takes to wrap them up!