Forgive me father for I have sinned, it’s been a minute since I last confessed and lucky for you, I’ve decided to spill my tea here. What better place than where it all started. Have you ever asked yourself how far you’d go just to earn four dollars? I have. I did. And here’s my story.
The kids today have their cam modeling and Only Fans careers but what’s an old fag to do when nobody will tip a token to see my saggy ass? A decade ago I chose to become a cyber-walker for my online pimp of choice, Fiverr. Fiverr’s deal is creating a “gig” that you’re willing to do for a “fiverr” and for their service they take a twenty percent cut. But what could I do for a Fiverr that I’m qualified for, that would stand out and make the world a better place?
I’m opinionated about everything, even shit that I know nothing about. The voices in my head never stop commenting even when they don’t know what they’re talking about. Cue the parting of the clouds, a ray of sunshine falling upon my computer and the angel’s singing (Charlie’s Angels, of course) as my gay opinion on Fiverr and this blog were born. It was the start of my online empire, you know, exactly like Apple or Amazon.
Over the years I’ve given my gay opinion on a podcast about the D/S (dominant/sub) community, how I would survive a zombie apocalypse, the insane price of sneakers on the internet black market, modeled for gay fashion, talked trash about people’s exes, and insulted someone’s manhood…you know, the usual.
Fiverr encourages their girls to expand their gigs and whore-izons. After all, what’s good for their girls is good for Fiverr’s profits. I’m now a professional (once you’ve made made money doing something, you’re a pro, in my gay opinion) contest judge (office Halloween decorations and gingerbread house inspecting are my specialties), compliment giver (thankfully no uggos have sought my services), fashion recommender (I proudly cater to a lot of my trans brothers and sisters, no apologies to the Supreme Court), accountability coach (for those who need someone to get them off their asses), and DMer about everything and anything (that runs the gamut from confessing secret crushes to prehistoric foot fetish fantasies).
Thanks to the pandemic, I developed a skill that I always wanted to learn but never had the time, tarot card reading. Due to social distancing, I turned to Fiverr to lose my card reading virginity to. That gig took off and now with over a thousand positive reviews, I’m so busy I have to shut down my gig when I get overbooked.
When I hear of people having a hard time making ends meet, I’m a loyal lady of the night and recommend my pimp, even if I don’t get a cut. There must be people with actual skills (like graphic designers, editors and actors) making a living on Fiverr or sites like it. It has become a more high-end whoring site since I started there, most people earn more than a Fiverr per gig. But I’m old-school and keep my rates like the good ol’ days. I’ve been to this rodeo before and keeping my faithful clients satisfied is top priority.
Save a horse, ride a cowboy!
However, for unskilled hos like me, I’m like the Norma Rae (ala Sally Field. I like her. I really, really like her!) of Fiverr. If my crazy ideas can turn a buck, imagine what you could do with a little talent. I just do it to earn a couple thousand dollars a year (after Uncle Sam shakes me down for his share) to support my autographed diva merch habit and to have some fun until my worn-out cooch is ready to retire. It’s working from home, making my own hours. and a solid side hustle. If you have any questions about the actual Fiverr process, feel free to comment here and I will be glad to answer it publicly so everybody can benefit from my tricks of the trade.
Speaking of sharing my wealth of knowledge, I’d like to thank my fellow Fiverr cohort Maria (here’s a link to her gig) for her amazing image work in this post. She did the photoshopping on both pics. I had them within days of payment and for a reasonable price (although Fiverr charges additional “service fees” to their buyers on top of taking their girls’ cut. Fiverr takes it from both ends!). Maria’s friendly and obviously a good sport, who else would step up to make me into the sexy sister I always knew I could be. Dreams can come true on Fiverr!