Top 5 Things I Put In My Mouth In Miami

In my gay opinion, one of the best parts of going on vacation is being able to eat out at different restaurants. Cooking is one of my least favorite chores to do. If I didn’t hate needles more than cooking, I’d look into getting an intravenous feeding tube installed in my arm. Having someone serve me every meal is my dream. In honor of being lazy and my recent vacation, here are the Top 5 Things I Put In My Mouth In Miami:

#5: Vegan Rice Pudding at Maoz Vegetarian (1657 Washington Ave) – My partner and I were at the Miami Beach Botanical Gardens and he was on his phone looking up lunch options in the area. When I heard Maoz had vegan rice pudding I was sold. I didn’t care what the regular food options were as long as I got my dessert. The falafel was good but the sweet potato fries and Arnold Palmer not so much. However, a bar has now been set for any future rice puddings I come across.


IMG_2861#4: Lance’s Nekot Cookies with peanut butter at CVS (200 Biscayne Blvd) – When we first arrived in Miami we got into our hotel after 11:00PM but wanted a snack after traveling all afternoon and evening, the pretzels and ice tea served on the plane didn’t cut it. Nothing was open except a 24 hour CVS down the road where I was able to pick up a banana, a bag of cashews, a lemonade and a pack of these “cookies” (more like crackers, in my gay opinion). They are the best peanut butter crackers I have ever had.


IMG_2950#3: Chang’s Vegetarian Lettuce Wraps at P.F. Changs (901 S Miami Ave) – I have a rule when I travel, I don’t like to eat at a restaurant chain that I can eat at when I’m home. Now that I’m vegan it’s a little harder to find food so I agreed to go to P.F. Changs. It also broke another rule of mine to not order anything that I have to assemble, that’s too much like cooking. All my food needs to be ready to eat when it gets to my table. However, after having these lettuce wraps, I may have to rethink my rules and also go to P.F. Changs more.


IMG_2973#2: Chipotle Nachos (with added “beef”) at Choices Vegan Cafe Coral Gables (2626 Ponce De Leon Blvd) – Every time I go out to eat with my partner, he always picks the best item on the menu. I know this because I always have to have a taste of what he orders. Damn him for getting these nachos and not me. They were amazing! The “beef” was the closest thing to real meat I have tasted since going vegetarian in over a decade. From now on I’m making him order all my meals when we go out.


IMG_2954#1: Hazelnut and Chocolate Gelato at Amore Juice & Gelato (901 S Miami Ave #105) – When I went from vegetarian to vegan the two things I knew I’d miss most were ice cream and chocolate. I’ve had vegan substitutes of both and sometimes they’re good but this gelato wasn’t good, it was amazing. It was creamy like the real thing and I would never have guessed it was vegan. I’m just glad there isn’t an Amore’s near me because I’d end up a broke fat ass who would sit on their stoop day and night with a brown ring around my mouth and drips running down my shirt. I’d be sitting there looking like I just blew the Easter Bunny…just like I just blew any shot of the Miami Tourism Board picking up this post.

Over all, Miami was a little disappointing for food options. It was hard to find restaurants that were open past 4:00PM. I guess Miami is for Early Birders. You know it’s bad when CVS crackers can make my best of list. If we had more time in Miami I would have gone back to Choices (they had multiple locations and a breakfast menu) and Amore for sure. Give me a few more days at those locations and I’m sure my Top 5 could have easily become a Top 10.

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