Celebrity Stalking

My gay opinion on stalking is I’m all for it, just don’t be a creeper. I, myself, am a recreational stalker. I’m not a break-into-a-starlet’s-home-and-try-on-her-underwear-while-rolling-around-in-her-bed stalker but that could be because my lock picking skills are lacking. I have, however, had the pleasure of meeting many of my all time favorite diva’s and basking in their glory for a magical moment or two. So here are some of my pointers on how to behave in the presence of a star and how to meet them:

1: Keep it legal: Meeting your icon at your arraignment for rummaging through their trash doesn’t make for a good first impression because an orange jump suit and shackles don’t look good on everybody. Book signings, fan conventions and after concert meet and greets are the best. It’s on your idol’s clock and they’re looking forward to meeting their fans.

2: Keep it short: I know how exciting meeting the object of your worship can be so your tongue can get away from you. Know what you’re going to say before you’re next in line. They’re nice enough to do this and there are other people in line, don’t waste everyone’s time. Gushing about how you got through your first break-up listening to their album on repeat for two weeks isn’t as interesting of a story as you think it is, save that for your therapist.

3: Keep it honorable: Know and follow the rules. If the celeb isn’t signing certain items or taking posed photos, don’t push it. Don’t think your excuse is so interesting that they should bend the rules just for you. They have heard it all before, so accept what it is and move on.

4: Keep it clean: While hosting your other unemployed gaming buddies in your parent’s basement, hours can turn into days without windows or contact from the outside world. Before you emerge to meet your obsession, do everybody a favor, grab a shower and put on clean clothes. You want to be memorable for something besides your smell.

Following these simple rules will keep you out of jail and make things easier for stalkers everywhere….myself most importantly.

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