Concert Etiquette

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Let’s get one thing straight (so to speak) right from the get go, I LOVE CONCERTS! I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs but everybody needs at least one addiction in life and concert going is mine. I will travel the state, cross state lines, or travel to other countries just to see my favorite divas perform. You don’t want to be around me when tickets go on sale for an event…there’s tons of sweating, swearing and sometimes even tears. But there’s no better feeling than scoring great seats for a great show.

It’s rare for me to be let down by a venue or an artist, my divas do NOT disappoint. The only thing that can ruin a show for me is an inconsiderate fellow concert goer in close proximity to me. I would consider myself a professional concert goer and therefore feel qualified to give MY gay rules for proper concert etiquette:

Rule #1: Shut the fuck up! I’ll never understand why people will pay good money for a concert ticket just to spend the entire evening talking. You may care about what you have to say but the person you’re talking to doesn’t give a shit and neither do I. So don’t ruin my time making me listen to you bather on about your life, if you’re feeling the need to verbalize then take it outside or in the lobby.

Rule #2: You’re not that important, turn off your phone for a couple hours! Stop tweeting, facebooking, texting, sexting, or calling someone to have them guess where the hell you are. If you want to get a pic or video of the singer, do it quick and put your phone away for the rest of the show. Don’t put your phone over your head to record the whole show because you’re blocking the view of the people behind you and your pits stink from sweating with excitement all morning and afternoon.

Rule #3: If you were that good of a singer, you’d be on the stage and not in the crowd, so don’t sing along to every song! There will most likely be a part of the show where the singer will ask everyone to sing along and that will be your chance to shine in all your tone-deafness. Your friends won’t tell you this but you don’t know the lyrics and your voice is like a box of nails in a blender. Save it for an appropriate time, like in the shower alone or when you’re in the car alone. Never when others are around!

Rule #4: Don’t drink to a point where you can’t find your seat! If the seat numbers are blurry then you’ve drank too much. Guys drinking doesn’t make you cool and girls it doesn’t make you cute, it just makes you clumsy and obnoxious. And as I learned at a Heart concert, a warning to the white trash lesbians out there who want to get drunk; it’s going to make you horny, violent and you’ll scare the fags around you.

Rule #5: Don’t wear an old tour shirt of the artist your seeing or any other act to a show! For no other reason than it annoys me. Why are you wearing a Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young shirt to a Debbie Gibson concert? I just don’t understand!

I hope anyone finding this blog will follow these simple rules and make my concert going experience a better one. I thank you all in advance for your compliance.

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