My Fairy Tale To Becoming A Hat Model

Once upon a time there was a gay lad who grew up in the shire known as Meriden. He would spend his days and nights laying in bed staring longingly at the photo on his ceiling of the fair Maiden Farrah, in her red bathing attire with her flowing golden locks, thinking to himself “Self, someday that shall to be me!”

The gay lad grew into a full grown fag and moved to the land just south of Windsor. The years went by and the fag whittled away his time watching cycles and cycles of Ye Ol’ America’s Next Top Model. His dream remained the same, to one day be a model. But how?

Then one day, out of the blue, he received correspondence through his gay opinion side business that he set up in the Marketplace Of Fiverr. He was offered 5 gold coins (which is only 4 coins after the Butt Pirate tax) to not give an opinion but to don the head apparel from a prince (not to be confused with the singer Prince) from afar and to present said prince with images of himself wearing thine cap.

The fag’s first impulse was to gracefully decline such a request for he was surely (when he always thought of himself as more Laverne) too old for such frivolity. But was he too old? Although the hands of time were very kind to him (off with anyone’s head who shall argue), he knew his modeling days were numbered. Soon his modeling options would be limited to undergarments for adults or the juice of prunes. Although he would gladly speak words of praise in his blog should Sunsweet provide a case of Cherry Essence Prunes upon him. Hint! Hint!

He sat and pondered, what would his Fairy Godmother Tyra do? He knew that Queen Tyra would tighten up her resolve as well as her corset (size zero of course), call upon her photographer of choice (“Hark! Photographer wench Tom, thou shall not roll thou eyes, just do my bidding and take the god damn photo!”), and strike her most fiercest of poses with her eyes smiling like the Diamond of Hope.

His curiosity was peeked. “Why me,” he asked the prince via ye-mail. His response came back, “I am looking for my wears to be worn by a handsome gent who….” The fag needed to hear no more. The words of flattery were a feast for his ego and he accepted his mission. The prince pony expressed his goods to our hero who then wore the gay hats with the greatest of pride. The photos were taken for all the folks of the Land Of Internet to enjoy.

Fashion sense was once again restored throughout the land and they all lived happily ever after!

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